So it’s 2.05am and I can’t sleep. It’s not that I’m not tired; I am tired, so tired but my washing machine brain won’t stop the spin cycle of twisting and whirling thoughts splashing around my head. I feel my heart fluttering faster through the side of my rib cage and I can’t tame it or slow it down.
Is it because I stayed awake too long and should have tried to sleep earlier when it was a more sensible time? Was is because I have had a lovely busy day virtually meeting up with family and friends? Is it that I miss my boyfriend? Is it that I have work to plan for and do this week? Is it the nagging sense of unease that we all have in this uncertain time?
Probably yes, all of the above.
Admitting this doesn’t stop the sleeplessness or the frustration that comes with it. So what to do? Well, I can play around with my facebook profile a bit, I can watch some istagram live videos, I could read a few more chapters of a book and all other manner of distracting activities. Perhaps I should get up and do some work, tidy a cupboard or organise some filing?
I don’t think I have an answer for now except that I am writing this down to remind me that this is happening, that sometimes the struggleS we face are not just with the physical circumstances but with the relentless spikey and gnarly thoughts in our mind that can floor us, frustrate us and keep us awake at night.
Rather like those annoying zippy flies that fizz around your ear in the dark, I want to catch or flick these spin cycle thoughts away.
The apostle Paul interestingly says something similar “ we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ”: a deliberate aggressive not passive action. To stop the thoughts in their tracks, to switch off the spin cycle and hand these thoughts over to Christ in prayer.
But then what?
Paul continues elsewhere to say: “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is as excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things”. This also is a deliberate act, filling the space where the other thoughts were. A good podcast or audio book, a focus on marvellous memories and moments, maybe even tidying that cupboard or filing those papers or just a chat with God could all be ways to fill my washing machine brain space.
But then what?
”…the God of peace will be with you”.
Ah, peace. For the spin cycle to halt and the noise and commotion of tangled and jarring thoughts to hush. To be accompanied in the peace by the God of peace Himself. What a relief.
Its not easy, it may not work immediately and I may still be awake in a couple of hours but I am going to give it a go!
This Little Light of Mine 